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1-800-ASK-GARY Amphitheatre Now The Worst Venue Name In America

Posted by on Jun 10, 2010 | Comments (8)

No, it’s not a joke. The Ford Amphiteatre in Tampa, Fla. has actually, truly been renamed The 1-800-ASK-GARY Amphitheatre. Good Lord.

As reported by Kim Wilmath and Sarah Hutchins at the St. Petersburg Times, the new name comes from the lowest pits of hell a three-year, $1.1 million deal between the Live Nation venue and a local injury lawyer referral hotline owned by Gary Kompothecras.

The reporters managed to find one person in Florida who was excited about what’s clearly the stupidest venue name in America. That’d be a “close friend” of Kompothecras who goes by Bubba The Love Sponge Clem, and man, when I look for advice on names, he’s the guy I consult.

The rest of the folks, including the venue manager himself, could only offer somber reminders about the economy and the venue’s financial straits, which is what every single venue says while forcing the music-loving fans of their community to utter words of complete shame when talking about going to concerts.

Let’s repeat it, just for effect. It’s called the 1-800-ASK-GARY Amphitheater. Say it out loud. I dare you. We out here in the Bay Area have had to live with AT&T Park, the Oracle Arena, the HP Pavilion, Network Associates Coliseum and plenty of other horrendous corporate names, but this is without a doubt the worst venue name in history.

To the people of Tampa, I send my deepest condolences. Really. I’m truly sorry for you. And your children. You don’t deserve this. The rest of the nation is laughing at you, and it’s not your fault.

So I have some advice.

Do like we do in California when this type of insulting malice is foisted upon the public and simply refuse to acknowledge it. Call the place The Amp. “Whatcha doin’ Friday night?” “Oh, going down to the Amp to see Rihanna.”

And if that doesn’t quell the resentment? I can’t officially recommend breaking laws of any kind, although I will point out that spray paint is cheap and venue signage is accessible. Do with this information what you will, Floridians.

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8 comments

  1. L-A
    June 11, 2010

    oh pleeeease. that is insane.

    Reply
  2. jared
    June 11, 2010

    stupid. stupid stupid;.

    Reply
  3. James
    June 11, 2010

    I hope there are hundreds of Floridians clogging up the toll-free phone lines, asking Gary why in the hell did he fuck with their venue.

    Reply
  4. DK
    June 11, 2010

    Not every venue can be named “Wells Fargo Center for the Arts”.

    Reply
  5. Rick Aster
    June 14, 2010

    How about calling it the 800 for short?

    Reply
  6. jagfan
    August 1, 2010

    please do your political history on 1-800-ask gary – and you’ll see the high end political connections , let alone naming the ampitheatre after this high volume plaintiff attorney

    Reply
  7. Holbrook Spitzer
    September 11, 2010

    Now that the Tropicana Field (home of the St. Petersburg based Rays baseball team) is about to lose the sponsorship of Tropicana Orange Juice because of the expiration of its naming rights, word has it that the best naming rights offer has come from K-J Jelly Lubricant, and if it is the winner,the field will be renamed the K-Y Jelly Field. Want to go down to the K-Y and watch a Rays game tonight?

    Reply
  8. Jason Bratcher
    March 23, 2012

    I’m a totally blind Tampa Florida native.
    Name alone drives me nuts!
    There’s a commercial or two all over the place featuring the 1-800-AskGary hot line.
    A local radio station (Wild 94.1) even claims to broadcast from, wait for it:
    The 1-800-AskGary studios.
    Can i borrow someone’s toilet to puke?
    There’s no more originality nowadays;
    sure seems like it all but vanished like Cinderella’s horse-drawn carriage at the stroke of midnight at the ball…

    Reply

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